Lindsay Lohan has officially been released from rehab and walks freely among us now, according to sources for RadarOnline. Based on UCLA’s diagnosis that she’s not a drug-addicted alcoholic, it’s more than likely she’s also free of the SCRAM bracelet, so it’s literally more than a matter of minutes until she’s falling face-first into a Read More ...

   Ever wanted to get your drunk on without missing out on all that protein needed to keep your body in perfect date raping shape?

   - Sofia Vergara’s boyfriend was in a serious car accident. I, uh, hope he pulls through. *puts on cologne* - Thoughts on Sally Draper. - Lourdes Leon has marijuana on her clothes! Alert the Prime Minister!

   Is Rachel Uchitel really a celebrity?

   A double-knife wielding assailant apparently tried to make his way into Paris Hilton’s house to do the Lord’s work this morning only to discover she’s rich and can afford things like security cameras and alarms. I guess the mansion didn’t tip him off.

   Despite denying its existence earlier in the week, Heidi Montag (Seen above last fall before assuming her android form.) is now meeting with Vivid’s Steve Hirsch to get her cut of the sex tape Spencer Pratt “threatened” to release if she didn’t agree to do a reality show with him.

 The judge in Lindsay Lohan’s case will issue a “mystery ruling” this afternoon because we’re apparently all on Scooby Doo now. Except, ZOINKS! She’s most likely getting released from rehab today, a scant 22 days into her 90-day sentence. Although, there is an extremely slight chance the judge will ask for a second opinion on Read More ...

   Miss Mexico Jimena Navarrete was officially named the hottest chick on the planet, or just Miss Universe 2010, in Vegas last night effectively continuing Donald Trump’s silent campaign to make white people’s heads explode into a boner stew of xenophobia. — I don’t even know what that means.

   Apparently it’s Random Celebrities in Swimwear Week, because here’s Hilary Swank vacationing in Hawaii yesterday which I honestly would’ve never predicted if someone gave me a Ouija board and made me spend the night in an Indian graveyard.INDIAN GHOST: OooOooOOooh! Hilary Swank will be in a bikini tomorrow.ME: Ha!

   - Miss Larchmont Village in a bikini has my vote. - Bear Grylls wants to take Zac Efron deep in the woods. Okay… - Kelsey Grammer’s ex wants $30 million now. - Holly Madison turns the other cheek. - Halle Berry gets breasty in Cape Town.